Look into the house of Mukundan and his wife Anjali. They are having a quarrel. Neighbors say it is the third day of quarrel. It began as a discussion. The day after tomorrow they had to go to attend wedding of a friend. The quarrel is about what gift to buy for the friend. Mukundan has budgeted Rs. 6000 for the purpose. It is about 7 months back that Mukundan and Anjali got married. At that time this friend had given them a gift of Rs. 25,000. Anjali is adamant that the back gift to them on their occasion must match with what was received. This is the cause of the quarrel. A little investigation has revealed that it is Anjali’s sense of obligation that has brought the state of unhappiness. Now that the cause of disharmony is identified, the solution must be near.
Haven’t you all gone through such situation? You may not have identified the personality of Mr. Obligation. Let us decode this personality called Mr. Obligation. This person has gripped too many people and has caused numerous turmoils. Do you identify with Mr. Obligation? It will be safe to say that much of your actions and activities are because of your obligation to other people. Not only parents but also society has taught you about this impositions. Is it part of etiquettes, or good manners? Is it to acquire brownie points from colleagues, friends and relatives? There are times when even an acquaintance has infected you with the sense of obligation. Haven’t you wished that somebody discovers an antidote for this condition? This couple then went to a social expert, considering that this obligation is a real force, it is an inevitable force that grips you when you interact with society. Some people goes through disproportionate grip that they are severely bound into obligations. For every small favors received people are led into compulsions in response. They have to return favor. Your personal wants, non-essential desires and non-reasonable expectations from society can bind you. If you have no demands of favors or conveniences that must be given to you, then you could become free from obligations. It is very important to learn to walk away from the web and net of conveniences. All access to conveniences are not opportunities. Access to real opportunities may not cost you for your indulgences. An irresponsible indulgence out of greed or possessiveness can all make you obligated to other people.
If you have no demands of favors or conveniences that must be given to you, then you could become free from obligations. It is very important to learn to walk away from the web and net of conveniences.
Are you duty bound to be hospitable to Mr. Obligation? This is a personal relation that you may choose to avoid. It will depend on what is the proportion of debt and favor against functionality and contributions that you make. Everything in this world has a cost. There is a receipt of care from somebody and your responsibility to return favor. But obligation may be an external member. It is wiser to keep Mr. Obligation out of all equations. Mr. Obligation has the potential to overwhelm the victims into severe indebtedness.
Obligations are rarely a legal binding. It may be a penalty for not reciprocating adequately for favors received. In the search for gratification, did you stumble upon a relief that looked as free of cost in its face value? If you look deeper into the face value you will know that there is a charge that you must pay for that which has satisfied you. This overwhelming and addiction to obligation can derange your mental faculties. Many people become dysfunctional because of the burden of obligations. They are unable to prioritize on important matters that needs attention. Instead they continuously feel guilty of not obliging even trivial issues, events and persons. So obligations left unchecked, has intense ramifications. It will not be much if you could simply sit and make a checklist. Write down up to 81 items that has confined you to obligatory actions. Once you have got this clarity, the next step is to take appropriate action to neutralize these burdens. If not, much energy of yours will be consumed into the experience of guilt. Your time could get exhausted in this pursuit of completing all obligations.
In the search for gratification, did you stumble upon a relief that looked as free of cost in its face value? If you look deeper into the face value you will know that there is a charge that you must pay for that which has satisfied you.
The social expert diagnosed Mukundan and Anjali as operationally derailed because of their mental condition. The expert gave a prescription. This couple was asked to behave like patients in a hospital. An important question had to be answered. What are the activities that are expected from a patient in a hospital? Mukundan and Anjali experienced a great relief and they gave the answer. They said that the only thing expected from a patient in the ward is that they take a bath or that they have their meals. The patient is free from social obligations. Mukundan and Anjali practiced this state of mind for two weeks. They learnt to sever their emotions which was in the control of Mr. Obligation. The relaxation and rest revitalized Mr. and Mrs. Mukundan. They got the clarity of the picture of their mind. They knew how to say not to Mr. Obligation. They could refocus on progressive ways to relate to people. This singing couple offered to their friend to contribute entertainment as gift during the wedding. Their friend on her wedding was excited and grateful for this valuable contribution of songs from Mukundan and Anjali. In all, they decided to give a good burial or cremation to Mr. Obligation. These pure interactions devoid of obligation can help to make a dynamic society.
About the Author:
Mr. Vinod Kumar is popular columnist from India who provides amazing insights and perspectives on diverse topics. He is a good writer, motivator, trainer, consultant and a mentor to many. His interests span media, politics, sports, food, travel, leisure, and study of the mind. His articles are provided exclusively on finomenon.org